Power

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You’re only a fool if you believe it so. Everyone is deceived at some point. Just because you tend to see the good in others, does not mean you’re naive. Don’t let the malice people try to bring you determine your place in this world.

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The More You Know

The thing is they don’t care about how you feel or what you think. They just want to read something relatable. Words that will make they go “ah, damn wish I would’ve wrote that”.

But pain is universal. Heartache is gold. And depression, with a side of dark humor, will make you millions. So wipe your eyes, release your tongue from that prison and use your pen as therapy; it’s a fuck ton cheaper.

-the motivational voice inside my head

And He’ll Never Know

Feeling much too broken to be adored. As I was healing, I started falling, tripping over my own two feet. But that’s the problem when we fall, no one is ever there to catch us. That’s why they call it falling. You dive into the arms of a sheep, only to discover you’ve made it to the belly of the wolf.

Playing With Fire

You want to feel pain? You want to see agony? Give yourself to someone who has no intention of keeping you. Rip open your chest and let your heart escape into the arms of a hollow grave. Dance with manipulation and be caressed with false hope. Lie next to an empty vessel disillusioned with charm. Taste the poison dripping from their lips, disguised as honey to keep you coming back for more. Ignite the flame in attempt to bring light into the dark. And there you are wandering aimlessly with a single candle, when you stumble and the whole house catches fire. You run for dear life searching for an exit, a way out. Before you know it the smoke filled your lungs and you’re barely able to breathe.  The warmth grabs you and ask you to stay. You inhale one last time…

Holding On

The cruelest thing you can do to another human is let them believe you care about them more than you truly do. Don’t hold onto people who use and abuse your presence and love, especially if you can barely hold on to yourself.

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What Depression Really Looks Like

When you hear the word depression what images come to mind? Darkness, sadness, someone dressed in all black, self harm? It’s normal for these images to appear, and be associated with depression. Our society has a stereotypical view on many things, our stigma on depression is no different. My biggest pet peeve on the subject is this idea that it’s just a really sad person who can snap out of it at any time if they really want to, if they put their mind to it. But it’s not a switch we can turn off and on. It’s not being in control of your own mind; living in a body that wants to survive but a mind that wants to die. Wanting nothing more than to just be happy and content. It is a constant, exhausting battle, that you feel as if you will never win. This is what you don’t see and is hard for people to understand. In fact unless someone who is depressed wants to make you aware of it, or you have experienced it yourself, be your own battle or someone else whom you’re close to, you may never be able to recognize it. This is what depression really looks like…

It’s fighting to get out of bed every morning, because you don’t have the energy to move let alone put on this persona that everything is okay. 

It’s not being able to talk about your problems while taking on everyone else’s just to hide your own. 

It’s stammering and stuttering when you open your mouth, because your nerves are shot and your brain is on overdrive.

It’s cracking jokes, and trying to make everyone else happy, so they don’t notice the lack of your own.

It’s smiling and laughing around the people you care about, and the moment you’re alone, endless tears. 

It’s wanting to be left alone, but still wanting someone there, and not asking for it.

It’s feeling like a burden to everyone. Having self doubt that anyone wants you there.

It’s feeling like you’re never enough for anyone or anything. 

It’s being forgetful, and letting everything slip your mind. Missing important appointments, forgetting which bills you’ve paid, washing your hair two or three times in the shower because you can’t focus.

It’s letting the laundry pile up, and the dishes molding because you can’t find the energy to do any task. 

It’s being chronically tired, or having burst of energy and crashing immediately after.

It’s having no appetite, losing track of the last time you ate. And when you do eat, not being able to hold down food.

It’s having physical aches and pains for no apparent reason. 

It’s going to sleep every night, and praying you don’t wake back up.

 It’s telling everyone that you’re fine and you’re okay, but desperately wanting someone to grab you, look you in the eye, and hold you tight and say “I know your not”.